Tag Archives: kids

Why Do We Love Children

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THIS IS WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’2)

OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’3)

MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’5)

KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’4)

POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop?Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report.’My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”Yes, that’s right,’ I told her.’Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’6)

POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.’Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.’It sure is,’ I replied.Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’7)

ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”And why not, darling?”You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’9)

DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cottonwool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’11)

BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.’Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.’What have you got there, dear?’With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

NOW IF THIS DIDN’T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY,GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.

I thought with our days and nights all mixed up right now, we could use a little levity. I found this on Face Book, and couldn’t help changing things up a little! I hope you enjoyed.

I want to thank all my beautiful Grandchildren for helping me out on this blog! I love all four of you!

Thank you for stopping to read Karen’s Stone Soup, see you soon.

Day Four: The Attack of the Cereal Killers

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Day Four: The Attack of the Cereal Killers

How often do you do your grocery shopping?  Each day, once a week, twice a month…….

In years past when I had a big family, I would drive my car to the grocery store on a Saturday, sometimes I’d take one of the kids, and sometimes all three of the kids.  That would be a wicked, crazy day with all three.  Since my tribe consisted of two boys and a girl, my grocery cart was always needing to be filled. My pay-day was twice a month, so that’s when I did grocery shopping—-twice a month!

This particular Saturday I was able to escape to the local Alpha Beta Grocery store …..Alone

So off I went, feeling like I had fled the country incognito.   By the time I was finished, an hour had passed,  I was over it, and as I stood in line to check out, for the first time everyone else’s  kids were starting to get rowdy!

 Neener-Neener!  I got away without mine!

I had two carts filled to the brim with meat, vegetables, fruit, popsicles, Ding Dongs,  Twinkies, toothpaste, Cheerios, Captain Crunch, Fruit Loops, and much more before finally making it to check-out.  After checking out, carts loaded the box-boy helped me to my car.  I had parked way out so I didn’t get my Shiny Red Porsche dinged, so it was a little bit of a walk.  I pushing one cart, the box boy pushing the other!

Why were his eyes Bulging?

“Lady,”  he said!  “You can’t get all these groceries in this car!!!  Needless to say, he was panicked, and was very insistent.

“Sure I Can it’s a 924, there’s plenty of room!”  I replied,  “watch”.…..  I stayed quite calm given his insistence, and having done it before.

Can anyone pack anything like a woman with determination?  I don’t think so…..  As we started to unload the groceries, I had to agree, if we had packed the car like he would have packed the car I probably wouldn’t have been able to unload one full cart.   However,  it became quite clear very quickly that this box-boy needed a lesson in packing!  I won’t go into any more detail, but when we were finished unloading both baskets, he stood there amazed, and in awe!!!

Did you doubt me too?

As he was gathering up the carts, I hopped into my shiny red car, and off I went!

Upon returning home, my kids had given up on whatever they were doing when I escaped, and rushed to the car with heads stuck in the window while running along side  the car as I drove up the long driveway.  I’m sure they thought they were starving, but they never got faint, stopped talking, nor did the lack of food hinder them from  running to the car as I drove in with two weeks worth of groceries!

Those of you who have more than one child will relate to the kids gathering like ants, grabbing at chips, Ding Dongs, and anything sweet like ants on honey.  If I allowed them to eat something just to get them out-of-the-way, they would quickly devour it before their brother or sister got it, and try to go on to the next goodie.  Sharing wasn’t  in their makeup!   It was almost like a  competition–who would get to, and eat the most, the quickest!

You can imagine how much they loved me when I called a halt to all this gluttony.  In the meantime my three little, or not so little “Cereal Killers” attacked all the cereal, Fruit Loops,  Cheerios, Ding Dongs, and everything else they could get their hands on before I was able to corral them.  

They were, and remain my assassins of everything yummy!

 

 

What Goes Around, Comes Around!

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