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Day 20: A Treasured Old Friend!

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Once upon a time, in a state far to the midwest  (from California that is), near a large body of water, at a time almost too long ago to mention, just after my birth…..I took a buggy ride with my mother pushing all the way!  Phew that took the wind out of me. I was very small, but old enough to go for walks, and eventually…go shopping with my mother.

Mother, & myself in my English Carriage

Mother, & myself in my English Carriage

Before I was born, my parents bought me a very large, Black English Perambulator… because that’s what they did in those days.  It was probably large enough for Mother to climb into, and take a nap with me should the occasion arise –  to my knowledge, that never happened!

We started out walking around the neighborhood on the very mildest, and most beautiful  days of July…  Since I was born the 23 of  May, I’m sure  we never left the house for at least six weeks after my birth. Who knows…maybe longer!

Things were different in those days, everything was different.   Hospital stays after giving birth were ridiculously long, something like two weeks.  If I had to stay in the hospital for two weeks after having my children, I would have chewed my arm off out of boredom!  But… I’m guessing that didn’t happen in those days.  On the other hand, sometime after being sleep deprived for several months, it would have been really nice to spend two weeks in the hospital being pampered!  I’m told…you can’t have it all!

I’ll bet you’re wondering if the Perambulator was my treasured friend?

Maybe at the time…but NO!    When we would take a walk, people would want to look in and see the baby (that would be me).  My poor mother would cringe at the thought of anyone touching, or breathing on her prized possession (again, that would be me)!   It was quite a conundrum because, Mother really wanted to show me off to all her friends, and even the people who would soon be her friends because, I was so cute, and they would tell her so!  Finally, Mother quickly realized that netting placed gingerly over the entire carriage would solve this problem, and then, and only then would she be able to show me off  without having to constantly tell them not to touch the baby (me).  After many walks around the block, with Mother prancing all the way,  we finally made our way to downtown Detroit. Maybe I forgot to mention being born at the Mount Carmel Hospital in Detroit Michigan.  This was in the early forties, and since then the hospital has been torn down with the newest of hospitals, probably state of the art,  being built-in it’s place.

Mount Carmel Hospital

Mount Carmel Hospital

On this particularly perfect day in September, Mother and I packed up all our gear, and proceeded to walk into downtown Detroit to a large department store by the name of JL Hudson’s.  Now,  this store was the place to go if you were anyone, and we were anyone!  I’m sure Mother packed diapers, bottles, rattles, blankets, and anything, and everything …just in case.  Just in case, because you never know….  As we wound our way around the  wooded streets of Royal Oaks, in the suburbs I could smell the fresh air, and hear the rustling of the trees.  After a while, the noise was getting louder, and louder…apparently from all the traffic when we reached  the city.

JL Hudson’s

I snoozed off and on while Mother huffed and puffed her way along the busy city streets.  Finally we reached Hudson’s, and I must say it was BIG!  Never in my entire life had I seen anything so big as this store, except maybe Mount Carmel Hospital, and I really didn’t see very well at the time!

Mother managed to get the carriage into the front door of the store, but negotiating the perfume counter with a large English Carriage was a challenge for even the most determined of mothers.  We did it, and got there in one piece too!  As we rolled through the store, nothing was broken, we only had a few bumps along the way, but Mom did great, I was so proud of her for her determination, and energy, because I was exhausted just thinking about it!

Since I didn’t have any idea why we went to this particular store, on this particular day in September,  with the exception of, it being the place to go, I was excited to find out the purpose of our adventure.  This is something I have reflected on over the many years of my life…  what is the purpose of my adventure in life?

Quickly Mother managed to get my Buggy up to the floor where all the toys were on display, and before long we were deep in thought about …toys, stuffed to be exact!    Mother stopped at one table after the other, each having lots of stuffed animal toys sitting just there for me to look at.  As  Mother was searching  each, table,  and every stuffed toy, or maybe I should say animal,  a huge crowd of ladies engulfed my buggy, and the ooh’s and awes began.  “What a beautiful baby, how old is she?” one woman asked?  “What did you name her?” asked another?  “How long were you in labor?”  yet another asked.  The questions kept coming, and Mother answered with great pride.

But on the other end of things…

It won’t surprise you when I say…..the faces were terrifying,  BIG noses,  BIG eyes, LOUD voices, and the smell of stagnant perfume just about gagged me!  They kept looking at me from all angles, like I was a strange bug or something.  I began to cry….louder,and…Louder, and…LOUDER!   Finally Mother had to excuse us, and we took a little ride around the store, just to get away.   Boy was I happy to get away from all those Looky Loos!

When things had calmed down, we took another pass at the  stuffed toy tables, and with each of these furry creatures Mother would show me,  I simply couldn’t see the fascination. Some of them were stiff, and unfriendly, some were dark and foreboding.  Finally out of clear, and total exasperation I was shown one last stuffed animal, and do you know what?  My little legs and arms started bouncing around,  and I started talking to this lanky ball of fur. Mother was so happy, I could see it on her tired, worn-out face.   At that point, before I knew what was happening, the carriage started moving, and off we went – to a place I’d never seen before – soon  I found myself sharing my carriage with a  creature covered in  brown and white fur, little black BB eyes, a tiny little brown nose and tail, long legs and arms.  Mother told me this was my new friend, and I have to say I was really excited to have him with me.  Now I wouldn’t have to be alone all night in that big room.  Oh it looked nice, it was pink and frilly, but it was big and lonely being in there all night by myself.

After much thought, I named him Teddy!

Teddy quickly became by best friend, he stayed with me all the time. Mother even allowed me to take him to the doctors when I had to go.  Teddy had floppy ears, and he would sing to me at night after everyone would go to bed.  No matter what happened,  Teddy was there for me.

One day something terrible happened!  This was after he helped me learn to eat vegetables, and walk.  Something even more horrible than eating peas, and green beans, something worse than anything I could have ever imagined!

I had competition!!!

Yep you guessed it – That Friggin’ stork dropped a bundle of  “Pain in the ass”  down the chimney!  Well, let me tell you…my world changed forever, and not for the better either!  Teddy was there through it all.  He wiped my tears, he talked me out of  dripping oatmeal all over the PIA’s head.  I’m telling you Teddy probably saved my life…more than once!

That kid didn’t stop yapping for years!  All through growing up….yap – yap – yap!  Even my parents would complain about how this kid would never stop yapping!  But what are you going to, they couldn’t send it back!

Well in the middle of all that yapping…it happened again, and once more after that!

Crap will this ever stop?  You guessed it again…another yapper!  Two more to be exact, one shortly after the other.  It exhausts me even telling this story, but somebody has to tell it.

What happened next?

In the middle of all that yapping, I had to something to keep myself busy, and distracted from the gaggle of yappers.  Lining up all my dolls, and stuffed animals, I would hold school.  Each of them would contribute to my class but the one who contributed the most was Teddy.  He must have known my need for teaching, or maybe the need for standing on a soapbox would be more accurate!  Teddy sat there like an “A” number one student, and was every teachers dream.

Later in life,  Teddy was with me through my Sweet “16” Birthday Party, through all the dances, my heart breaks,  and  my  triumphs.  Never did he turn his back on me, and he never offered advise, unless I asked him for it.  When I married he sat in the middle of our bed…this in my eyes was an act of bravery, and protection!  He was there through divorces,  marriages, and  remains with me.

Teddy has been with me all these years, remaining loyal, and trustworthy!

He is my best friend, my oldest friend, and my Treasured Friend! 

Day 19: What Happens When the Sun Goes Down?

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As an artist there are many canvases in my studio stacked off to the side or in a cubby of the large bookshelf in my studio, and many of them have been started, and left half-finished.  I have stopped at many stages of  each of them, or left them in different stages of their completion.  Some speak to me from beginning to end without any problems or glitches, some stop speaking to me shortly after they are started.  Some never speak to me again, leaving me wondering if I  should even be trying to paint at all!  As I sit here wondering if they will ever speak   again, or why am I  fooling myself thinking I’m a painter, or should I get rid of all this stuff, and reduce the clutter, it occurs to me that these paintings must have a life too!  Maybe they are busy with their own lives, just like I am busy with my family, friends, and other things that pull me away from painting!

What happens when the sun goes down, and the lights go out?  

Do the images on the paintings jump off the canvases, and play around in the studio?  Do they do their own sketches, and drawings?  After all  I  do have a studio filled with art toys to delight, and put a twinkle in the eyes of even the most childlike of artists.  When my grandkids are here visiting, the first place they go is my studio, and then it starts….. “Grandma, can we paint today? ”  or “Can we use your markers?”  Their eyes light up just talking about the possibilities,  and if that’s so, then why wouldn’t the images on my canvases want to open drawers, explore, and try the different paints, pencils, markers, and anything else they could possibly find to play with.  I can see them now, dancing to the music, and scribbling on the walls.  Here I thought one of the kids did the little scribbles that I found last week!  Are the paintings  like the toys in toy story where the doors shut, and the lights are turned off, and they come alive…  It is important to remember that..   All work and no play makes Karen a dull girl!

I’ll bet my canvases come alive!

So maybe I should take another approach to getting them to speak to me…..  Maybe if they all stood in a row, to give each other support, and courage, they would tell me what they want from me.  Or just maybe…we should all have a party…in my studio…tonight….when the paintings think I’m asleep, I’ll get up out of bed…tip toe into the party room, and yell Surprise!   Am I being way too up tight about painting?  I am a recovering perfectionist, and that zaps the spirit out of anyone… even though I know this, I fight it all the time!  Looking back, I think that’s why I like to paint intuitively, it takes the element of perfectionism out of the mix!

                         Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people.

 

Thursdays Time out for Art

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Zebra Design & Destinations host a Thursdays Time out for Art, and this is one of my nature walk sketches.

Day 17: What Do I Fear the Most!

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Day 17:  What Do I  Fear the Most!

Being too tall, too fat, too ugly…what?

We all have worst fears, but do they change over the years…That is the question?  Being young, we are afraid to be left alone, our world is small, and everything frightens us!  Get a little older, and our world opens up a bit, leaving us with less fear, and a bigger world for us to explore.  But, if your mother or father is out of sight – well, it’s terrifying, and we become lost, and frightened once again!

Once we leave the diapers behind,  we become down right monsters!!!  We were probably monsters before that, but now we are a force to be reckoned with!  We peck our parents to death, and if they live through raising children, and are still friends by the time it’s over...it’s a miracle!  

Some kids fear everything, some are fearless.  Does that come from the way they are raised, or is it in our genes?  I was raised in a family where my mother was always instilling fear into us.  Fear of God, fear of parents, especially my father, fear of what the neighbors would think, and on and on.  At first when I was younger I’m sure I bought into it, but as I got a little older, I didn’t see the benefit in being afraid of everything.

In the world of today, the media instills a great deal of fear, after all we live in a fear based society!  Society teaches us to be afraid of earthquakes, hurricanes,  tsunamis, people of another color, or religion, people with guns, people without guns.   How sad it that!  Is it really necessary to have all this negative energy in our lives?  I say NO!  If we didn’t have this constant hammering of the need to be afraid of everything, could  we live a peaceful life?

At my age I’ve finally accepted –  that  I’m not going to get any younger, and instead of growing old gracefully….I’m going to claw and scratch all the way to the finish line….with a glass of wine in one hand and a paint brush in the other!  I might add that I’d be covered in paint because that’s just how I roll!

Does that surprise you?

It shouldn’t, and until you are sitting where I am, or in the shoes that have been worn, and traveled, don’t think you won’t claw and scratch all the way to the end also!  Will it help to eat healthy, cutting out bad foods, and working hard to eat only foods without chemicals, who knows?   The one thing I do know is there isn’t any point in worrying about the inevitable!  I just need to make sure I’m staying active, positive, and eat lots of foods that help my nails  stay strong so I can continue clawing, and scratching!

What am I afraid of, what are my deepest darkest fears…

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Maybe it concerns me that many of us are frittering away our planet instead of caring for it with gentle, loving  hands, and much effort and concern.  Maybe it concerns me that my children, my grandchildren, and the children after that will inherit a planet that has been abused in so many unnecessary ways.  I believe we have poisoned our environment with chemicals, and emissions, both from our vehicles, and from livestock, and industry.   People have disrespected their environment by throwing trash all over the place, and our oceans are being polluted with plastic bags, and bottles until our fish, the reefs, and the water is extremely compromised.   I don’t think that it was intentional in the beginning, but I do think that it is very well-known now, and there shouldn’t be any question about discontinuing this massacre of anything, and everything living!  Where is the self-respect of the people continuing this behavior?

What am I afraid of…that’s what I’m afraid of!

Day 15: Will My Voice Find Me?

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Day 15:  Will My Voice Find Me?

For years now I have been my happiest when I hold a paint brush in my hand.  It really doesn’t matter if it’s a teeny-weeny paint brush, or a big honker house brush, I love to paint!  Watercolor paper can be laying right in front of me, and I can manage to find something creative to do with it. Or it could be a canvas, a board, or even a wall, I can find a way.

My voice is found in paint, and my artwork!

So when I hit a wall, and my inspiration dries up, I panic.  Pure and simple, it terrifies me that I will no longer be able to create with paint.  This is one of those times. If I have a project going, as I do now, I seem to fight it!  My deadline for this current project is the first of July.  It’s a doozy too!  I have three pieces that need to be finished.  I could eek out a week more, but vacation looming, I really don’t have much more time to spend.  There is another two projects that have to be completed by the first of next week, and I’m really lagging on those.  They haven’t even been started, and that’s a real problem!!!

So What Now?

I think my writing is taking over my love of painting in a way.  I’ve always wanted to write, and now I have the opportunity to learn and grow.  These little month long classes are wonderful to help do just that, but at the same time, my growing has almost come to a complete halt in the creating area.  Weekends have got to be creative especially since I’m so far behind in these projects.  I even sleep better when I’m busy rushing around painting, and pulling ideas together!

Where is your voice anyway?

Do I have two voices…my art, and my writing?  I certainly love them both, but are they my true voice, maybe.  By the way, and this might be the key,  I am a Gemini!  The twins, two sides, two loves, two voices…..  I’m saddened to think one of them might not come back, but it also excites me to think there may be something new, and interesting on it’s way!

Will my voice find me?

It’s been my experience that if you don’t agonized over things, they have a way of working themselves out.  I’m betting that…….

My Voice will find me!