When I was very young, about seven, or eight I'd say, I wanted to be a ballerina. Not just a pretend ballerina, a real ballerina with those pink satin shoes that have flat toes to stand on, & flowing pink satin ribbon that laces up the legs! Is there really any other kind?
I wanted the pink tutu, you know the beautiful, magic tutu that only the most famous, & successful ballerinas are allowed to wear!
So what happened?
One summer vacation, knowing I really needed to get a move on if I wanted to achieve my dream, I sat down to have a long talk with my mother. Mother asked me what I wanted to do that summer, what would make me happy , & how could she help make this the best summer ever?
Carefully, & precisely I told her exactly what my dream was, & how very much I wanted to become a famous ballerina. My dream included dancing for the Royal Russian Ballet Company, or some other just as famous company. Mother sat next to me, & patiently listened, taking in every one of my words, & listening to all my dreams. I was so pleased that she understood my heart, & took me as seriously as I took myself!
Finally the day came when the class she selected for me was to start. Needless to say, I was really excited…..almost to the point of making myself sick! As we got into the car, I didn't think anything about not having any "gear" with me. No special shoes, or even a working tutu such as I was sure most serious ballerinas must wear to learn, & practice in……it didn't even enter my mind….,,,, not even for a second!
When we arrived, at the …local park, mother got out of the car, & I followed still excited about starting to work on my big dream. Inside the front donor, to the recreation center was a sign up sheet, with a ………
GAGLE OF COMMON KIDS
By now I'm a little suspicious, but I troup on. Something inside me just knew my mother hadn't taken me seriously. The kids standing around in the lobby waiting to sign in, & enter the classroom were anything BUT aspiring ballerinas. The boys who clearly had cooties, also were sporting red hair, & freckles…….MOST DEFINITELY NOT THE BALLERINA TYPES! Ok so not all of them had red hair, or even freckles, but trust me when I tell you….they All Had Cooties!!!
Mom went straight to the sign in sheet, I don't even remember her saying a word to me about, "we really can't afford real ballet lessons, or I couldn't find any ballet lessons in our area!" Most probably all that was true, but nothing was said.
When we all entered the room, my most devastating fears came true! The instructor was organizing the class in lines, & groups………..for a faux tap dancing class!
After that I don't remember even one thing! I don't remember ever even going back to that park, let alone the class. I was in HATE mode, & was truly humiliated!
My mother, whom I thought understood my most intamite of feelings, & desires had betrayed me. How could I ever forgive her, & in many ways I don't think I ever did! Most certainly as I grew up, all those feelings of betrayal, disappointment, & loss faded away, however that one instance made me more compassionate for my children's feelings, & most definitely for my grand children's feelings, & desires.
Mother, I'm sure did the best she was able to do. If I was able to ask her now, she probably wouldn't even remember any of it.
Achieving my dream as a ballerina was out of my reach for a lot of reasons. Too tall probably being the largest obstacle! After all, I grew to be just under 5'10", & with that comes a few pounds. Even a skinny tall girl weighs more than I'm sure someone like Mikhail Baryshnikov!
Need I say more?
Heart broken, devastated, & betrayed I decided to become a Nun instead!